Tom Oatmeal

A Blog About Intercourse from a guy who doesn't get nervous about intercourse like his friend Ricky does.

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An Excerpt from my Novel, “Hungry, Hungry Hippos” (Which will probably be a movie soon if I had to guess)
As night drew near I knew that I had to work faster to attach the device to the hippo that would enable us to control his jaws.  The town was covered in marbles, but if this expedition was anything like the last one, I knew the enemy scientists would be close behind me and they would have hippos of their own.  Sure, they would be different colored hippos, but they would also have the jaw control device and they would be just as hungry as my hippo.  This was the future and gigantic marbles were expensive.
"Don’t use up all of your energy," the hot female tour guide said to me.  She smiled and then laughed suggestively so I laughed suggestively too.
"What the fuck is she talking about?" I wondered.
Luckily, I guessed she was talking about sex, but later as we were lying in bed I wondered, “Is she always this cryptic?”  

An Excerpt from my Novel, “Hungry, Hungry Hippos” (Which will probably be a movie soon if I had to guess)

As night drew near I knew that I had to work faster to attach the device to the hippo that would enable us to control his jaws.  The town was covered in marbles, but if this expedition was anything like the last one, I knew the enemy scientists would be close behind me and they would have hippos of their own.  Sure, they would be different colored hippos, but they would also have the jaw control device and they would be just as hungry as my hippo.  This was the future and gigantic marbles were expensive.

"Don’t use up all of your energy," the hot female tour guide said to me.  She smiled and then laughed suggestively so I laughed suggestively too.

"What the fuck is she talking about?" I wondered.

Luckily, I guessed she was talking about sex, but later as we were lying in bed I wondered, “Is she always this cryptic?”  

  1. camel-crush reblogged this from illustratedexample and added:
    (via tomoatmeal)
  2. sainty-what reblogged this from tomoatmeal
  3. woody reblogged this from illustratedexample and added:
    great writting style!
  4. illustratedexample reblogged this from tomoatmeal and added:
    This is going to come out right around the time that my epic magnum opus Crossfire: The Ultimate Challenge comes out.
  5. poobah reblogged this from soulgarden and added:
    An Excerpt from my Novel, “Hungry, Hungry Hippos” (Which will probably be a movie soon if I had to guess) As night drew...
  6. leslieleslie reblogged this from tomoatmeal
  7. soulgarden reblogged this from tomoatmeal and added:
    An Excerpt from my Novel, “Hungry, Hungry Hippos” (Which will probably be a movie soon if I had to guess) As night drew...
  8. cvxn reblogged this from tomoatmeal and added:
    I could die happy now knowing this has been written.
  9. tomoatmeal posted this