Tom Oatmeal

A Blog About Intercourse from a guy who doesn't get nervous about intercourse like his friend Ricky does.

11,843 notes

If you’ve run out of things to be angry about, just imagine you’re at the laundromat and right after you pour the soap in, some idiot walks up like, “Sorry, but all the machines are reserved for a laundry competition.”
"What!?  But I just put the goddamn soap in!"
"I’m really sorry."
And so you think, “To hell with the competition!” and you shove the money in anyways.  The nerve of this guy!
He walks away only to return seconds later with the person in charge of the laundry competition, who also happens to be a cop.
"You can take your laundry out or I can arrest you," says the cop.  "Your choice."
So you obey, of course.  Is there really another choice?  With the cop watching, you reach both arms into the dark, soapy well and begin the slow process of retrieving your clothes.  One by one, you wring the garments out then toss them into your laundry basket where they land with a splat.
Of course none of this happened, but just thinking about it makes me madder than hell.
"Then don’t think about it," said my wife Diane.
"But it’s so STUPID, Diane!  Who in the hell has even heard of a goddamned laundry competition!?"
"Nobody.  Because they don’t exist, remember?"
"I know, but if they did can you even imagine how stupid they would be?"

If you’ve run out of things to be angry about, just imagine you’re at the laundromat and right after you pour the soap in, some idiot walks up like, “Sorry, but all the machines are reserved for a laundry competition.”

"What!? But I just put the goddamn soap in!"

"I’m really sorry."

And so you think, “To hell with the competition!” and you shove the money in anyways. The nerve of this guy!

He walks away only to return seconds later with the person in charge of the laundry competition, who also happens to be a cop.

"You can take your laundry out or I can arrest you," says the cop. "Your choice."

So you obey, of course. Is there really another choice? With the cop watching, you reach both arms into the dark, soapy well and begin the slow process of retrieving your clothes. One by one, you wring the garments out then toss them into your laundry basket where they land with a splat.

Of course none of this happened, but just thinking about it makes me madder than hell.

"Then don’t think about it," said my wife Diane.

"But it’s so STUPID, Diane! Who in the hell has even heard of a goddamned laundry competition!?"

"Nobody. Because they don’t exist, remember?"

"I know, but if they did can you even imagine how stupid they would be?"

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    How would one even win a laundry competition?
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