Tom Oatmeal

A Blog About Intercourse from a guy who doesn't get nervous about intercourse like his friend Ricky does.

345 notes

They ask you if you want a receipt because it’s a trick and they want you to say no.  Then when you drive off, some bozo comes running up to your car and tells you that you didn’t pay for the gas. 
You say you did and he says you didn’t and then you start shouting at each other until some big, dumb son of a bitch in overalls comes walking up saying that he’s with the gas station headquarters and he’s here to suck the gasoline out of your car with his mouth unless you’re ready to pay for it. 

But you already paid for it and you’re not paying again.  So he starts sucking the gas out of your car and it makes you mad after a while so you strike a match and flick it into the bastard’s face.  He catches fire and starts screaming.  You try to run but he tackles you in a blind bear hug and you both burn to death.  Then the car explodes.  And then all of the groceries in the car melt.

They ask you if you want a receipt because it’s a trick and they want you to say no.  Then when you drive off, some bozo comes running up to your car and tells you that you didn’t pay for the gas. 

You say you did and he says you didn’t and then you start shouting at each other until some big, dumb son of a bitch in overalls comes walking up saying that he’s with the gas station headquarters and he’s here to suck the gasoline out of your car with his mouth unless you’re ready to pay for it. 

But you already paid for it and you’re not paying again.  So he starts sucking the gas out of your car and it makes you mad after a while so you strike a match and flick it into the bastard’s face.  He catches fire and starts screaming.  You try to run but he tackles you in a blind bear hug and you both burn to death.  Then the car explodes.  And then all of the groceries in the car melt.

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