Tom Oatmeal

A Blog About Intercourse from a guy who doesn't get nervous about intercourse like his friend Ricky does.

184 notes

The point of the U-Scan is fly in there and start scanning everything as fast as you can.  Scan scan scan!  Bag Bag Bag!
You do it so quickly and gracefully that the store manager takes note and intercepts you at the door.

“Hey man, that was pretty amazing back there.  You want a job?”

You ponder it audibly for quite some time.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

It goes on for hours and hours until a sparkly van shows up and guy hops out like, “Hey I’m so and so with Guinness World Records and you just set the world record for pondering!”

You scream and celebrate and then announce that you’re quitting the grocery store job, which is hilarious to everyone because you never accepted it in the first place.

The point of the U-Scan is fly in there and start scanning everything as fast as you can.  Scan scan scan!  Bag Bag Bag!

You do it so quickly and gracefully that the store manager takes note and intercepts you at the door.

“Hey man, that was pretty amazing back there.  You want a job?”

You ponder it audibly for quite some time.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

It goes on for hours and hours until a sparkly van shows up and guy hops out like, “Hey I’m so and so with Guinness World Records and you just set the world record for pondering!”

You scream and celebrate and then announce that you’re quitting the grocery store job, which is hilarious to everyone because you never accepted it in the first place.

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