Tom Oatmeal

A Blog About Intercourse from a guy who doesn't get nervous about intercourse like his friend Ricky does.

129 notes

The villain tells the Main Spy that the human body is 60% water and so the Main Spy gladly punches the villain off the plank and into the gigantic aquarium.
“Make that 100% water,” says the Main Spy.
But then the rescued scientist explains that just because a body is submerged in water doesn’t mean it adopts a higher overall percentage of water.
The Main Spy thinks about this for a second and then shoots the scientist in the stomach, killing him.
Using sign language, he explains to Mr. Caliente, his ape assistant that a lot of what makes a mission successful is positive energy and that pointing out inaccuracies in water percentage estimates is NOT conducive to positive energy.
Mr. Caliente nods and signs: “Plus, it won’t help us get the Senator’s daughter back.”
The Main Spy smiles and tousles the ape’s hair.  Right.  It won’t help get the Senator’s daughter back.
Later, back at headquarters, the commissioner is outraged upon hearing the news of the scientist’s death.
“Who the fuck commits suicide by shooting himself in the stomach?”
“Beats us, man.”

The villain tells the Main Spy that the human body is 60% water and so the Main Spy gladly punches the villain off the plank and into the gigantic aquarium.

“Make that 100% water,” says the Main Spy.

But then the rescued scientist explains that just because a body is submerged in water doesn’t mean it adopts a higher overall percentage of water.

The Main Spy thinks about this for a second and then shoots the scientist in the stomach, killing him.

Using sign language, he explains to Mr. Caliente, his ape assistant that a lot of what makes a mission successful is positive energy and that pointing out inaccuracies in water percentage estimates is NOT conducive to positive energy.

Mr. Caliente nods and signs: “Plus, it won’t help us get the Senator’s daughter back.”

The Main Spy smiles and tousles the ape’s hair.  Right.  It won’t help get the Senator’s daughter back.

Later, back at headquarters, the commissioner is outraged upon hearing the news of the scientist’s death.

“Who the fuck commits suicide by shooting himself in the stomach?”

“Beats us, man.”

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    ahaha look it’s a landry’s. I really want to go to and maybe work at a landry’s someday. but not if a spy is gonna shoot...
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