Tom Oatmeal

A Blog About Intercourse from a guy who doesn't get nervous about intercourse like his friend Ricky does.

64 notes

GROWING UP
I used to think that choosing not to add a heart to the teddy bear at the Build-A-Bear workshop would somehow jinx the two people the bear was meant to connect.  As if the absence of the bear’s heart would create some kind of black hole, swallowing love of any real substance and leaving behind a relationship constructed by sad motions disguised as genuine affection.  Now that I’m older, I’ve come to realize that all it really does is transform the teddy bear into a living, bloodthirsty demon that won’t stop killing until you scratch his face off and throw him into a vat of acid.

GROWING UP

I used to think that choosing not to add a heart to the teddy bear at the Build-A-Bear workshop would somehow jinx the two people the bear was meant to connect.  As if the absence of the bear’s heart would create some kind of black hole, swallowing love of any real substance and leaving behind a relationship constructed by sad motions disguised as genuine affection.  Now that I’m older, I’ve come to realize that all it really does is transform the teddy bear into a living, bloodthirsty demon that won’t stop killing until you scratch his face off and throw him into a vat of acid.

  1. emmakid reblogged this from tomoatmeal and added:
    EPIC. Andrew and i better make sure...if we ever do something as cheesy as
  2. hungaryeyes reblogged this from tomoatmeal
  3. milkymoons reblogged this from tomoatmeal
  4. iamthumbs reblogged this from tomoatmeal
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  6. anonymousmouse reblogged this from tomoatmeal and added:
    be friends with whoever writes this blog so bad. who are you, Tom Oatmeal?!
  7. courts reblogged this from tomoatmeal
  8. sharingtime reblogged this from tomoatmeal and added:
    other bloggers do not.