February 2010
39 posts
pufflepie asked: You make me laugh my big dimply butt off all the time but it aint getting smaller.
Please explain.
Please explain.
“I wanted to start a revolution, but someone took my seat while I was up getting...”
– Thomas Jefferson
Flirting!
How hard is it really to just walk up to a girl and say, “Hi. My name is whatever and what’s your name and I don’t know where my friends went, but yes I have friends – just not right here with me and I came here because I like chicken strips, but they don’t have chicken strips so I didn’t eat anything and I’m hungry so I might have to find something else and I hope that they take traveler’s...
Anonymous asked: Bruce Willis?
Anonymous asked: Doy u actually live in Los Angelos California? If so, why?
got absolutely woeful/unfortunate/controversial...
natface:
All code for unabashedly drunk. What a bad influence Tom is!
Note to self: eat before drinking next time. And in general.
After you left, I got even more controversial and told a table full of people that I hated value and that the Spanish Inquisition sounded made up.
“Good heavens!” they thought. ”This man is a loose cannon!”
I still have no idea what the fuck I'm going to...
(via amberl)
But you know what’s interesting? (Dramatic Pause)…You just wrote that.
Sincerely,
Your Cool, Unconventional Teacher Who Gets You To Accidentally Learn Things
Anonymous asked: Man, I am having a great day! how is ur day goin? hows eric?
An Important Talk
My insides were burning and I found that lying flat on my back was the only way to minimize the pain from the weeks I’d spent ingesting birth control pills.
“Well, is there any way that the baby might not get either of our genes?” I asked Liz. “You know, like maybe it will get some kind of new genes, so it won’t end up like…you know…”
“No,” she said.
I closed my eyes and sighed. “Fuck.”
A Lesson for Children
Whenever somebody says that bad things can happen to good people, I think about my neighbor. He was a nice enough guy, but that didn’t stop him from getting murdered. Of course, it works both ways. Sometimes good things happen to bad people – like that time I struck oil when I was digging up my backyard, trying to bury my neighbor’s corpse.
Anonymous asked: Dear Mr. Oatmeal,
Your life is pretty interesting. How do you do it? I sure could use some pointers.
The end.
Your life is pretty interesting. How do you do it? I sure could use some pointers.
The end.
Banking
Just as I can count on the Bank of America representatives to continuously ask me to sign up for some dumb new account despite numerous refusals, they can count on me to tell them, on every occasion that finds me there, that wow! Working at a bank must be the coolest thing ever because you’re around of all of that money and do you ever get to go into the vault and take a bunch of the...