November 2009
21 posts
Work Joke!
A good joke to do at work is when some guy hands you a file, drop your arm down and say, “Oh wow! This file weighs a ton! How much work are you giving me!?”
Then when he’s having lunch, take a gun and run up to the guy like you’re going to kill him, but just fire some bullets into the wall behind him.
(He will think you are angry about the paperwork!)
Fox News Hires Temp to Help Organize Tapes
After recent blunders involving recycled show footage resulted in embarrassing on-air apologies, the Human Resources department for Fox News reached out to local temp agencies this week; the first step in an effort to build a more organized system of filing.
“I think it’s clear that the way we’re currently storing tapes simply isn’t cutting it,” a representative from Fox said. “We had a meeting...
A Story About Integrity Maybe
Even though he didn’t have kids, my neighbor, Darren, was a grownup my friends and I always looked up to. Sometimes, we would sneak into his house (he always left the door open) and then we’d sit really still in the living room.
“We’re invisible!” my friend Ricky and I would say. “You can’t see us.”
“What the fuck!” Darren would scream, playing right along. “Who is there? Oh god, no!”
Then...
Movie Scene
A great movie scene would be where all of the boring colonial guys are sitting around making up laws and then this one colonial guy who is new to town puts his powdered wig and spectacles on a stray dog. Then when the dog barks, the guy acts all serious like he is paying attention to the dog and he even takes notes. (Like the dog is barking about laws!) This makes everyone cheer.
Then we see...
Romantic Sex Story
And it was right there, in the middle of sex, that she decided to tell me, “You just don’t seem into it or something.”
Though our sex had never been the greatest, I took offense to her criticism, but silently, since I knew she would never be able to hear me over the barking of the cadaver dog.
An Important Story
When I discovered that my graduation gift was a bible, I was furious.
“I asked for a gun, not a fucking Bible!” I screamed at my dad.
“But…”
“But nothing! Get out of here! I never want to see you again.”
My dad and I never spoke again after that. As for the bible, I just assumed it was long gone until I saw it again, years later, at my...
“My name is Gene Hackman. And I’m here to yell at you.”
– Gene Hackman
A Possible Fable
A good fable would be about a spider who goes into this guy’s apartment and the guy gets really angry and decides to spray the spider to death with bug spray, but he accidentally uses hair spray and so the spider ends up looking really sharp and then gets a job someplace that the guy was trying all week to get a job at.
An Excerpt from my Romance Novel
With my nude, floral-painted body pressed firmly against the wall, I could only stand still and hope that it would blend seamlessly with the floral wallpaper, hiding me completely.
“She can’t divorce me if she can’t see me,” I thought.